The Unrest in the Mid-West

IowaHawk is having a little fun with the Newsweek article and subsequent retraction. Read the whole thing, it's worth it!

Decorah, IA - The debris-strewn streets of this remote Midwestern hamlet
remain under a tense 24-hour curfew tonight, following weekend demonstrations by
rock- and figurine-throwing Lutheran farm wives that left over 200 people
injured and leveled the Whippy Dip dairy freeze. The rioting appeared to be
prompted, in part, by a report in Newsweek magazine claiming military guards at
Spirit Lake’s notorious Okoboji internment center had flushed lutefisk down
prison toilets. Newsweek’s late announcement of a retraction seems to have done
little to quell the inflamed passions of Lutheran insurgents in the region, as
outbreaks of violent mailbox bashings and cow tippings have been reported from
Bowbells, North Dakota to Pekin, Illinois.
Whether the violence was triggered
by Newsweek’s report of lutefisk desecration or frustration over chronic
shortages of Beanie Babies and Old Style, one thing seems certain – occupying
U.S. troops face a steep road to reestablish trust in this tinderbox of ancient
hatreds and delicious dairy products. Some analysts say the latest outbreak
represents the most vexing challenge to US strategy since its invasion the
region three years ago.
“It could be months before we get the area back
under control,” said Brigadier Gen. Glen Hastings of the US Army’s Southern
Minnesota Command. “We’re hoping the tractor pull and swap meet seasons will
help calm down some of the violent elements.”